I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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