how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
