OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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