Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I fill condoms, not promises.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
