I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
As shirtless as possible
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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