I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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