we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
