Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just had sex bonerless
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
