his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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