i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
