Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
