I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
