he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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