Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
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