Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
even my farts smell like vagina
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
