Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
