people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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