I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
