champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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