oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I touched a dick in church today
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
