I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
