i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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