Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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