Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
