Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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