a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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