Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
