her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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