I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
