There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I touched a dick in church today
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