Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
