and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
