Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
