We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
