She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
