I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
