Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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