what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
ttyl tear gas
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
