you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
my god I love twenty year old dicks
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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