She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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