Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
