she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
