Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
