After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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