Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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