I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
