Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
