let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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