Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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