Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
