So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Let's get the cat blown out
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
